Ricardo Evers

Even at the time I'm writing this piece, I still can't believe it happened. Not to someone with such a life force like you. Not when you already made great plans ahead. Not when it was so fast, unexpected and seemingly unfair.

But you left us anyway. I'm running out of tears but even so it's still coming out every now and then. Out of my disbelief.

We might not have had our plans come true. But we had the greatest moments together.
We might not be able to see you now. But we saw you in your best shape.
And we will never forget that.

We love you, Ricardo.

Carla and Vincent.

The Culture Hiccups

I just read this article posted by journalist Duncan Graham in his blog. A little information on Mr Graham: he's a New Zealander married to an East Javanese woman from Malang. In this particular post, he was describing how different Indonesians and Westerners are culturally (mostly on attitudes towards cats).

Some of his points which he experienced himself with his Indonesian wife remind me of our own little but sometimes funny hiccups in our relationship.

• On the cat fact: Vincent adores cats. Nice cats, stray cats, it doesn't matter. He thinks they need to be pampered no matter what. I don't hate cats but I'm not particularly in like (let alone love) with them. I am always upset when a cat just came inside my kitchen and stole some food. Vincent thinks it's so cute and funny that cats steal food. The other day he said, "Well, they steal food because you don't give them food." Right, like there are 10 cats in the neighbourhood and of course we have to be the Santas for them. Honey, I really think you should cook more, and I mean not only fry French Fries or Sausages or Crepes. Try to do things from the scratch, and I'll get those cats to steal the food you made. You'll laugh the first time, you'll beat them up the 5th time they do that.
• On washing dishes with cold running water or hot running water: I have to go with the Westerners in this case. Hot/warm running water is proven to be the most effective in cleaning greasy dishes. Though as an Indonesian, I won't die or fuss like my Westerner friends do when they have to wash with the cold water. I think cold running water still does its job. It's just that you have to work twice to clean it.
• Toilet tissues: my boss and most of my Westerner mates always frown when Indonesians use toilet tissues for everything. Even for wiping their nose when they have flu. They think it's disgusting since they were brought up with the (supposedly) right idea that toilet tissue is used only for toilet matter, and therefore has no other use but to wipe your ass. Indonesians on the other hand were brought up with a Turkey-style toilet (squat toilet) and clean up with water and soap (and yes, with your left hand). That should explain why using your left hand for handshakes here is impolite! Anyway, for us, tissue is just a tissue. You will see that in most warungs, you'll have toilet tissues on the tables to wipe your mouth with. Indonesian perspective is, yes, we know it's a toilet tissue. But it's tissue we bought CLEAN from the stores. We didn't wipe it on our ass and serve it on the table. It's just the same with the other tissues and it's only a matter of whether it is tissue sheets or tissue rolls. Well, for me personally, again, I know what the Westerners think and therefore I respect it for not using toilet tissue for something else in front of them. Although once when Vince's sister was staying at our place, I forgot this fact (it was 7 in the morning and I was not fully aware that it was culturally different) and I cleaned the kitchen counter with it because all of my kitchen towels were being washed. She said, "Oh, I just knew that a toilet tissue had another function." Me: Oops.
• On mandi container (bak mandi): Okay, we have two sinks. One in the kitchen and one outside the house. The one in the kitchen is placed right in the edge of the connecting counters (thanks to whoever stupid contractor who built this house). It is not comfortable to use it as my kitchen counters are too low, even for me, especially for Vincent. The other one outside is dysfunctional as a sink because we use the pipeline for our washing machine drainage. In the mean time, in our bathroom, we have both mandi container and shower. Balinese semi-modern houses always have these two because especially if you don't dig your own 40-metre deep well, city water is only accessible during certain hours (like midnight!), which means there are times when we can't get any water at all from the sink or the shower. And the reason that the mandi container was there was so that we could still have water when the stupid water system goes dead again. But Vincent and I don't want to bother to fill in the container. We can compromise that we have to take a shower at certain hours. Let's combine the facts that our only working sink gives Vincent backache if he has to use it to brush his teeth and that our mandi container was there for no use. So he came up with what he thinks is a genius idea to make the mandi container his personal sink. A HUGE sink. How can a guy be not happy with it? Well, I'm not particularly in favour with that idea. I find it similarly striking to the Western frown on the use of toilet tissue for other things than toilet matter, I frown on the use of mandi container as a place where you spit your toothpaste+saliva+water. Again, I was brought up with the Indonesian way of washing ourselves; i.e. mandi. I used to (sometimes still do when I am back home in Surabaya) take clean water from that container and pour it to my whole body to wash myself. Every time I always have to remind myself that hey, the container is not used. I'm not washing myself with it. What's the big deal? I don't know what the big deal is. I just can't help shuddering every time I have to imagine the scene. LOL. You know what I mean? Hehe..

There are some other small things that we don't share culturally, which I can't remember right now. But the point is putting two individuals together in one same place is not an easy thing to do. It is not easy when you come from the same culture. It is especially a real challenge when we come from absolutely different ones. Some couples can go through it, some can't. The ends really depend on (maybe) how much both parties are willing to compromise with each other.

The good thing is that we take things with (most of the time) a laugh and not a shout. And maybe that's what we should all do.

Weakness

Vincent is leaving tomorrow for overseas work assignment. Only for two weeks, but I miss him already. And he has not yet even gone!

It's weird that I'm losing a bit of the sense of my independence with the love I feel for him. This time last year, I would have laughed and mocked my girlfriends for being such a crybaby for the most simple thing.

I guess I'm joining the club now.

Right of Answer!!!

I think i have the right to explain myself about the ashaming attack i've been the victim by my beloved Carla...... :)

I've been raised in the respect of others, always beeing polite and respectful of my neighbors.... but only in one condition... the respect as to come the other way too.... so let me give you some examples....

There are a lot of dogs in our neighborhood, but only two are annoying, and guess what the two dogs are the only dogs the owners don't take care of. Those poor animals are tied 24/7 behind the house without beeing able to run and play, nobody takes care of them.... you really wonder why people take dogs.... i guess one day they were like, oh yeah my neighbor has a dog, i need one too... but never noticed that in fact a pet is alive and need attention.... I'm sorry i don't respect those kind of people, plus in our street, true, people are not rich and i understand that, but people make efforts to keep their houses clean. Those neighbors are the only one with the crappiest garden i ever saw, plastic everywhere, trashes... and more...

My second point will be the stupidity.
Let's go back to this same neighbor that regularly burns his plastic trashes in his garden, making everybody suffocate in the street, and killing slowly our planet... i mean really? those people are that stupid not to understand that plastic is not meant to be burned like this? I'm sorry, but when i see this, it doesn't appeal my respect a lot.

My other neighbors wich are nice people, at least taking care of their dog.... (By attaching him at OUR door everyday so they won't be bothered lol). those 'nice' people have a van, at least 200 years old, and yesterday they started the van and let run the engine for ONE HOUR before they actually get in it and leave.... The whole street was full of smoke, my all house was smelling benzin, all the clothes Carla just washes were good to wash again cause of the smell....

I say ok i can be respectful... but not with basic stupidity, i won't respect people who doesn't know basics of respect to the neighbor, the ecology, and animals.....

True those people are very smiley, they always great you when you get out.... but I say... smiling doesn't make you smart, or civilised....

Another annoying point, the children... ok they're children... but i think even them are grown alone and not taken care enough by their parents.... i feel like a circus attraction since I'm here.... example two days ago the technicians from Indovision came to install in my place, i had to open the gates to let their car in... In less than one minutes at least 6 or 7 kids came to the door, to watch me while laughing and even without asking were coming inside the garden, checking how it was inside.... I don't blame them of course, I blame the parents.... cause for example my mum was concerned enough to teach me respect of property, and not to be rude with people.... Once again i blame those stupid parents taking care of nothing.....

So question : WHY SHOULD I RESPECT THOSE PEOPLE IF THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE A CLUE OF WHAT RESPECT IS?


let the one without sin throw the first stone in my face lol :p

The Enemies are....

the neighbours' dogs and children.

As opposed to Surabaya's many cats, neighborhoods in Bali are full of dogs. Dogs are cute and Vincent and I love them. In fact when we feel we have more time to put affection to one, we will get a dog.

But when there is at least one dog in every house of an alley that has perhaps 50 houses cheek to cheek, it may not be a good idea. Add at least one child in every two houses to it. And these are the noisy children who ran back and forth, shouting and scaring the dogs out.

Result: the most noisy morning (or afternoon, or evening, or night).

Vincent almost lost his temper (as usual) last weekend. He took a few small rocks, put them on the balcony of our bedroom upstairs and said to me, "If these evil dogs bark again, I'll throw these rocks onto their house!"

I tried to cool him down that there is no point of making enemies here. But he was like, "But they started first!"

And very quickly as we talked, the dogs started barking again. In a blink of an eye, Vincent jumped out to the balcony and threw one rock on top of the roof where the dogs were.

Coming back inside the room, he said, "One more bark, I'll aim at the window."

He's unbelievable!!!

I mean I'm disturbed, too (though not as bad as he is, since I was brought up with a 24-hour noise - cats meowing every night), but I really don't see the point why we have to attack them for what the dogs have done. True they could have educated the dogs. True they could have silenced them since they were really disturbing the neighbours. But who would really care to do that when the other neighbours also have dogs and they don't silence them either?

This is what I was worried about before we took the house. Not the house itself, but the surrounding. Vincent didn't get it back then. But now he does.

Chef in Action

Meals

Normally I'm the one cooking in the house. But since we moved, and my working schedule is changed to a later hour, I naturally come home later too. With the 30 minutes drive suffering from suffocation - thanks a lot to the car/motorcycle exhausts - I'm now too tired and demotivated to do any cooking once I arrive home.

Dear boyfriend was at first grumbling and protesting that I did not feed him lately. But then he finally gave up sulking and started preparing the meals himself.

First one was beans and sausages. It actually tasted very, very, very good if only it didn't burn.

Second one (shown in pic) is avocado salad. Presented nicely with salad sauce on top. I could finish 2 half-parts of them (the four halves were supposed to be all for me). But my Indonesian tongue is not used to too much wine vinegar and Dijon mustard. The cook said, "But I already made it mild!!!"

Third one and last one so far was ham sandwich. We went to Ace Hardware yesterday and there was a toaster on sale. Vincent said, "Hey I want you to prepare me sandwich with this for my lunch!" I went like, "Sure, take it." But as usual, he is hardly a patient guy. As soon as we arrived home, he insisted to try out the toaster at that very time. So he went out again to Carrefour and bought some bread, ham, tomatoes and cheddar cheese, while I fell asleep in my room. He went upstairs to tell me that dinner was ready. And.... guess what, this is the best meal he made so far. Hihi...

But apart from that, ISN'T HE FREAKING SWEET???